How to answer the question why you do not have children?

The one who consciously chose life without children, such questions touch. As if the asking actually means: why are you not like all of us, you are not ashamed? The journalist reflects on why others allow themselves to be so tactless and how to answer the question why you do not have children.

I got married when I was far over thirty, and I could not even imagine with what persistence others would interrogate me.

Five years ago, when Mike and I just started meeting, the question of when we are going to have children, if it sounded, it is extremely rare. But for the last six months, after our wedding, for some reason, everyone considers it his duty to ask him.

Of course, I understand what it is connected with. In childhood and youth, we are all explained to us this sequence of steps: first love, then marriage, then the baby in the stroller. Unfortunately, no one guesses to provide this instruction for footnot: “The program can be executed in a different order or not implemented at all”.

And this is what this leads to: the best intentions filled with the best intentions affectionately take me by the hand and are interested in when we begin to build a family. I literally stand up from such words. My beloved husband, I and our cat is not a family? It seems to me that the most full -fledged!

But the faces of relatives are stretched when I answer that we are not going to have a child. “As you are not ashamed,” they say. – You could become a great mother!”

Familiar people are sometimes even more unceremonious: “When you are going to give birth?” “After the rain on Thursday!” – I snapper, and the stress hangs in the air. I pretend that I do not notice how they exchange puzzled glances. Even my therapist once could not resist and advised me not to make hasty decisions on this subject.

These scenes are repeated over and over again. At first, such questions and comments put me in an awkward position, and I was lost. But over time, reflecting, she came to the conclusion that the negative reaction is inappropriate here – at least if I want to maintain good relations with loved ones (or with a doctor). Therefore,

Combien avez-vous des relations sexuelles pour vivre plus longtemps? Si quelque chose n’allait pas dans votre vie sexuelle – le plaisir n’est pas aussi vif, comme avant, ou la libido est en déclin – peut-être tout ce dont vous avez besoin est de acheter levitra l’amour à une autre fois. Les chercheurs se disputent sérieusement: le moment le plus populaire lorsque la plupart des gens se livrent à des joies de lit sont les mauvaises. Nous disons aux détails.

now, before answering, I take a deep breath and remind myself of some important conclusions that I have come to.

1. Defend

Among my closest friends – and these are residents of the metropolis, representatives of creative professions – few have children. We almost do not discuss the reasons why they chose the life of Childfri, but I believe that they are more or less coincided with us. We value freedom – children require a lot of time, and large expenses too. We are all to one degree or another in the future. Too many risks – and for which?

I was lucky, there are many like -minded people around me. But if I stayed in my own town, there is unlikely to support me there. It is enough to scroll my tape on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) to make sure of this: all my classmates have acquired children.

But in the big city, when strangers ask why I have no children, it often sounds like a question: “What are you for a person?»Preserving equanimity is not easy, but, having made a couple of deep breaths, I give out my usual answers as a neutral tone as possible. Yes, I love children, but I do not feel an acute need to start them. And no, this is not because I am selfish rubbish.

Then I politely explain that this is our mutual decision with my husband, and, as a rule, I do not go into further explanations.

! Without a column

How to answer the question why you do not have children?

1. Defend

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